I am now 23 days into my 40 day sadhana practice, so I cannot speak on the entirety of this experience yet. However, so much is happening in my body as well as my mind that it feels compelling to share what I am learning so far.
What prompted me to do kambo microdosing alongside a 40 day kundalini yoga kriya practice? Well, I have been a certified kundalini yoga instructor and practitioner since studying this form of yoga in India about 6 or 7 years ago. Shortly after my kundalini yoga training I then did my first kambo practitioner training on how to serve myself as well as begin serving others kambo. So naturally, due to the timing of the 2 cohesive practices making way into my life around the same time- they become a living unit together for me.
I have deeply worked with full doses of kambo over the years. By full doses I mean sitting with kambo until the purge comes and doing heavy detoxes on the body and systems. I have done strong house cleaning on my body and mind over the years with this practice as well as others. However, microdosing is something I have only dabbled in from time to time. I have understood the benefits to some degree; however, I personally don't feel I can understand or be educated on something if I haven't personally experienced it to a deeper embodied degree.
So alas, this kambo microdose alongside my Kundalini yoga kriya practice has evolutionized the way in which I experience kundalini yoga forever. It has taken my practice to new heights and begun to give me deeper understandings into how the mind works- subconscious, conscious, and unconscious. As well as a better understanding of the negative, positive, and neutral minds. I don't think I quite understood the impact of what a busy mind does to this level until I started embarking on this journey. This practice has also benefited me greatly in the understanding of how energy works and transmits. It has given me insights into how energy moves through our bodies and systems and how in many ways we are like antennas to the greater unknown.
My intention stepping into this 40 days was to explore the mental-emotional sides of my own inner fear. To have a better grasp and understanding of where my fear comes from in relation to the great unknown or spirit. After some big sessions with bufo while in Mexico earlier this year I knew my next step was going to be uncovering the fear that arose for me in those ceremonies and why I had a difficult time looking at certain parts of my personal reality and processes. I have uncovered a lot since stepping into my integration thereafter this year and it has been exciting and some-what overwhelming to share and put into words because it feels like a lot that is limited in explanation with the English language, but I will do my best.
When practicing a 40 day sadhana practice in Kundalini yoga you select one single meditation or kriya to practice every day for those 40 days. There is no pauses, no breaks, no "day offs". It is the full 40 days back-to-back or nothing. It is said and experienced that as you practice whichever kriya or meditation you have selected you will charge and clear yourself through this kriya each day. It will take you on a journey within yourself, your psyche, and connect you to your spirit. Each kriya is like a formula that is designed to work with your energetic body in a very unique and specific way to shift, balance, and reharmonize. It works by clearing out the subconscious mind as well as relieving the energetic system of blockages and distractions.
I chose- Kriya for Relaxation and Releasing Fear
It felt fitting given the current intentions I have had. Although, I didn't realize just how much it was going to have me confronting myself and my own fears towards myself, spirit, and my sensitivities. It has brought up memories and emotions from my past that have been deeply engrained and seated in my body and mind. It has pulled up old stories that have been playing on repeat in the background that I have not been entirely aware of. It has allowed clarity towards what I have been taught and told so much of my life that I just accepted it as "true" and therefore limited the expansion into new possibilities...
And right alongside this I have been serving myself 1/4-1 full point of kambo every session right before I begin the kriya. So, as the medicine is rising in my system I am already actively in the kriya. What has been most amazing is to be in a present space with kambo while in the kriya and notice where the medicine is traveling. Each day I am finding myself in a deeper spaces of awareness with new parts of my body. Some days have been very pleasant while others have been more challenging. Yet, kambo has been a great teacher in showing me where I hold energy and emotions and supporting me in moving that energy through and out. Which in turn has resulted in powerful purges through tears and breath.
I must note that when I am microdosing kambo I am not vomit-purging. It is a much more gentle way of working with kambo. I still experience much of the kambo sensations, including nausea from time to time. However, I have not vomit-purged but have purged in other ways through strong compulsive emotional releases, shaking of the body, and some detox symptoms which have shown up for me usually later the next morning. Detox symptoms include- small acne breakouts, diarrhea, headaches, stuffy nose (although unsure if it's allergy related or not), and fatigue (irregular so hard to say if it's related).
I have witnessed the ways in which religion has played a role in my life on a personal level. How it has been deeply ingrained into the way I connect and relate to spirit. How ghosts were talked about as something bad or scary growing up and how it was such a taboo thing to talk to spirits or even interact with them. I am noticing the stories that were told to me growing up surrounding what it means to be a spiritual person and what the "right way" to connect with spirit is which is often times out of a book or through a sermon. How so much of organized religion has resorted to instilling fear through stories and "sin" and how that has deeply affected my trust for spirit in many ways. I have even been recognizing the misinterpretations of what spirits are within our movies and entertainment. The ways it has impacted my ability to fully let go to spirit because of the psychological motives represented in horror films. Although, I have not watched a horror film in the last 12 years those years as a child however when I was exposed to them do actually still deeply impact me.
With all this said, I recognize that maybe there isn't enough backstory to help you understand why this is all so important to me. I have been working with plant and animal medicines such as Ayahuasca, Peyote, Bufo, Mushrooms, Cannabis, Yopo, Jurema, etc. for the last 8 years. I have been on a strong journey and as the journey deepens so does the truth of spirituality. My intention and desire with it all is to learn and grow and harmonize myself and my life. Through that it has also taken me on a path of service to others and because of that service it has continued me on an inspired path of continuation with these strong plant medicines and spirits... and they are very much so spirits.... So, maybe you can somewhat begin to understand what I am meaning and if not, maybe some day I will be able to better explain it all.
The more clear and connected I feel to the truth of myself and my authentic expression the more clear and connected I am to my spirit. The deeper I expand out into the great unknown the greater gifts I feel I receive in return making their way back into my life as blessings and wisdom. The real teachings of truth and life lie in the Great Mystery of the unknown spaces and places. Nothing feeds me more than to continue this relationship between myself and spirit. This dance of gratitude and growth recognizing that truth does exist and there is a way through suffering and illusion. There has been no greater school for me than sitting in the presence of spirit teaching me through vision, frequency, and invitation.
And so I find myself inspired on a fairly constant basis to explore and be consistent with my practices. Although, my mind has sometimes stopped me and that is where discipline has come in. However, to find the edges of my experience and have the courage to see what is on the other side is beyond anything any book or person could ever teach me. And right now in this 40 day sadhana with kambo and kundalini yoga I feel it offers me a doorway to explore the expanses of myself and all my possibilities. It is an active way for me to grow in my own truth, will, and connection.
What I have learned about my mind-
Little did I know or understand the gravity of my mind. How powerful it is in a way to distract and deflect. I did not realize that an overactive mind also meant a disconnection to my own spirit, freed creativity, and will. I have heard of "the monkey mind" and I realize now how society is built and really takes advantage of a undisciplined and unaware mind. If our minds are trained to only have an attention span of 15 seconds or less.... imagine how influenced we can become. To have such a disconnect from the present moment and from the silence. To constantly be in a mode of one thing to the next. Almost trying to appease the immediate need for validation and pleasure without recognizing the gift which is here and in the silence of the moment.
I have spent the vast majority of my life like this. I did not recognize it, it is just how it is or how everyone else is, so I have considered it normal since I haven't had anyone sane living outside of that to reflect off of.
.....to be continued
Written October 21, 2024
